your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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