Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
