I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
