i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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