Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
