you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
