I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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