remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
