Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize