i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
