i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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