took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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