Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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