I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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