i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
