how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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