An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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