ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
