we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
