I love black thongs
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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