You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
