He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Best friends brother. Beat that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
