Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
