I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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