Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
