I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
