You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife