So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
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I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?