There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My cat gives me a boner
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.