i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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