I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.