this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?