I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.