dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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