READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
