Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life