This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
