Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
