If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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