Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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