He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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