the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Can I color on your dick again?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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