don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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