i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
