we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
