You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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