Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
