Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
