I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
