i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Farmville is her only friend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
