dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
