We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
