Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
