I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
