omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
