SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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