you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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