He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
