My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
