I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's blow job season.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
