I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
