sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
