He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
NoShamevember. You game?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
