I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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