So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
