You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
