I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
please come you make the beer taste better
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
