my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
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He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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