when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
