I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
only if we run a train.
done.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
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i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
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My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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