Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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