There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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