The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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