I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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