Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
