I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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